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Fake News
YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS
As Ole Jolly Saint Nick along with his Elf made an appearance at this year’s Maverick Rugby Christmas Party. Santa came to bring joy to all before hitting the Crown after which his lap got very popular with the ladies. His rather large headed side kick, Buddy the Elf was very festive but became somewhat disturbing when he decided to show off his candy cane bulge in his red and green tights which was a very non-heterosexual moment. A good time was had by all and no noses were broken at the North Pole this year but rumor has it the South Pole saw some action.
Santa and Buddy the Elf
Bartender gets $10,000 tip on $26 tab
"I couldn't move," Mavericks' staffer says after customer's generosity
ARLINGTON, Tx. - Two weeks ago, one of Dan O?Connell's regular customers left him a $100 tip on a tab that wasn't even half that. This week, he added a couple of zeros.
O?Connell, a bartender at Mavericks, got a $10,000 tip from the man ? for a $26 tab ? on Wednesday.
"I couldn't move," O?Connell said. "I didn't know what to say. He said, `This will buy you something kind of nice, huh?' And I said, `Yeah, it will.'"
O?Connell said the man, Mr. Joseph Kelly, comes in several times a month. He has always tipped poorly, he said, usually leaving $3 on a $30 tab. Not to mention the complaining about how many drinks he was charged for and a special tax known as the BST. ?I?m getting screwed?, Mr. Kelly was know to lament to other members of his Arlington Mavericks Rugby Club.
Then came the $100 tip, followed by the real shocker.
"He usually signs his ticket, flips it upside down, and high tails it out before we see what he left for a tip" said O?Connell, 39, who has worked at the bar for eight years. "But this time, he had it right-side up and said `I want you to know this is not a joke.'"
It's not, Maverick officials agreed.
"This is a great deal for us and a great deal for Dan," said Cliff, who introduced himself as vice president of operations for Chavez Enterprises, the owner of the Mavericks. "We did have a guest leave this tip on a credit card, and we're doing everything to make sure it's a valid charge. Frankly, we are all a little suspicious"
Great employee
The company is in the final stages of verifying the tip, Cliff said, while also working to make sure the money goes through the proper channels to get to O?Connell.
"Nothing would make us happier than to present him with that check," Cliff said. "He's been with us for eight years, and he's a great employee who does a great job. Besides, he has had a run of bad luck with this guy we call the Greek lately and could use a little help."
O?Connell said that while he always talks with the man when he comes in ? usually about current events or the weather ? he can't think of anything that would have prompted the huge tip.
"I've been waiting on him for about six years," O?Connell said. "We'd just talk across the bar and he really has been a cheap bastard. I hope he comes back in so I can tell him thank you, because the other day I was kind of rude to him. I have been known to be like that, but normally just with new guys."
MAVERICK RUGGER CLEANS TOXIC SPILL. SAVES WILDLIFE
 Thunder Dan cleans up a massive toxic spill saving countless lives of tiny, worthless, little critters. The source of the toxic spill was identified as a Coogan toilet back up and overflow. The governor pleaded with the White House to proclaim the area a National Disaster. "W" put FEMA right on it and promised results in just a few years.
In the photo on the left, Thunder examines the epicenter of the disaster, the Dump's hallway bathroom.
On hand to witness the devastation and feeble efforts of the societal reject and self-proclaimed protector of wildlife, was coordinator, Greg Puklicz. "I tried to warn him, but he had to save those damned little bugs and shit. That?s OK though, I made a fortune over this fiasco. Nobody could believe that I could get two Phd?s to play in a huge mud puddle! And the over under on getting one of them to go completely under was fantastic. I made a fortune, and I financed the whole thing with a minimal outlay! Taking Coogan to Pancho?s All You Can Eat Buffet last night was a stroke of genius. And I come out of the whole thing looking like some kind of Preservationist! Ha!"
Thunder Dan is shown in the last picture dunking for the particular "Doodie" responsible for the cause of the mess. Once he located and displayed the "Doodie", he said, "Here it is. It?s no big deal". And took a bite.
Vanilla Bean Spurned by Former "Friend"
Rumors run rampant as this breaking news spreads faster than venereal disease from a MTV rap video model. Through the determined vengeance of a scorned Maverick, this shocking photo has come to surface, exposing one of the most bizarre and luridly twisted tales to ever come from the already putrid and extremely private anals of Maverick Rugby history. This news is more shocking, more nauseating, more bizarre, and more deviant than any news story in Texas Rugby to date. This news could not be any more shocking to the Bean's current girlfriend.
More evidence revealing the true nature of the "Vanilla Bean" has come to light on the Maverick Open Forum. Apparently, the "Bean" and "Pee Wee" have collaborated and starred with Ang Lee in one of the most gay, pornographic, macho image bashing films since "Brokeback Mountain". Details on the location and specific content of this video are not publically available at this time. It is only known that the video is extremely disturbing and will spread throughout the internet faster than Paris Hilton's sex video. Sources can neither confirm or deny that any animals were harmed in this film. Stay tuned for more details
Please note that this photo has absolutely nothing to do with this article.
Even more interesting is how the MNT (Maverick News Team) decided to handle the expose. What follows is the personal and private correspondence between the MNT when the news of the scandal broke. There was overwhelming concern for not only the reputation of the parties involved, but respect for decency of the readers. Read the private emails to witness the struggle in making the decision to expose the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: "Dan O'Connell"
Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2005 22:55:25 +0000
I think my phone must have malfunctioned as I would never willingly send a
picture of my good friend "Vanilla Bean" in such an embarassing position to anyone,
even after he so maliciously stole my ID card and provided it to the fifth
column (The Michael).
From: Joe Kelly
To: Michael Twaddell
Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
Cc: Greg Puklicz ,
Dan O'Connell
Though it is a tragic and terrible thing, I think this picture can be
used. Unfortunately, I am too sickened and disturbed to come up with
any humorous witticisms or "fake news" approaches to presenting this
horrific photo to the masses. I may be inclined to post any
informative news that may be pieced together by others more
knowledgeable about this extremely gruesome event, but certainly
cannot derive or generate any text myself.
Thanks,
Joe Kelly
On 12/19/05, Michael Twaddell wrote:
> I took a screen capture of the picture, then enlarged and enhanced it.
> Attached is the result. However, for the record, I think it would be
> wrong to post the picture. Funny, but wrong.
>
> Michael "Switzerland" Twaddell
>
> On 12/19/05, Joe Kelly wrote:
> > Unfortunately, I agree. This must get on the web site. It is
> > hilarious, quite disturbing, but hilarious, none the less.
> > Joe Kelly
> >
> >
> > On 12/19/05, Greg Puklicz wrote:
> > > I don't know. You guys are the expert. I am but a simple bookkeeper.
> > > Perhaps Dan's large head can come up with a solution, but this really
> > > needs to get on the website.
> > >
> > > Greg
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: Joe Kelly
> > > Sent: Monday, December 19, 2005 2:13 PM
> > > To: Greg Puklicz
> > > Cc: Michael Twaddell
> > > Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
> > >
> > > That is a great picture. Is that the only way Dan can send the darn
> > > thing. I can't get the source, not without a lot of time I'm not
> > > willing to put in. Can't he email it directly from his phone? What
> > > about downloading photos to his computer and then emailing?
> > > I haven't included Dan in this email because, somehow I get the
> > > feeling he didn't release this for public consumption.
> > > Joe Kelly
> > >
> > > On 12/17/05, Greg Puklicz wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I have a picture to post on the website - it is the infamous "Vanil=
la
> > > Bean"
> > > > as sent to me by Corey Friend #3.
> > > >
> > > > I can't copy it out of that site, but I am sure you can and post it
> > > with an
> > > > appropriate message from his friends. Thunder took the picture and =
is
> > > > seeking retribution for the Mustache Dan incident.
> > > >
> > > > Greg
> > > >
The Secret Lives of a Famous Maverick Rugger
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| White Trash (or Trashed) Dan |
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| 80's Porn Star Thunder Dan |
Borat from Kazakhstan |
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| Terrorist Dan |
"Fluffer" Dan |
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| Texas Ranger Dan (pre-steroid) |
Mardi Gras Dan
Don't let the glasses fool you! |
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"Mr. Brain" Dan
(He thinks he's a doctor)
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Sarcophagus Dan |
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Clown Nose Dan - On the Job
infecting Patrons & humanity with the rare and highly contagious Manilla Bush Flu |
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