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Fake News
Rugby Player Gets Knocked Out - Wakes Up Gay!
A skinny, beer-guzzling, hard nosed tackling, rugby jock suffered a concussion in an amazing attempted tackle -- and woke up gay.
Adam "Maurice" Smith was a straight, 166-pound graduate student who liked sports, girls and booze and was engaged to his teammate's girlfriend before the life-style-changing event.
Now, he's a 124-pound hairdresser who bleaches his tresses and lives with his 19-year-old boyfriend above his salon.
"I was gay when I woke up and I still am," he said.
Maurice, 26, was making spectacular, but dangerous, head first tackles in a match against the huge Fort Worth RFC, but he broke his neck and suffered a stroke, according to Fart Wurth Star Teledrum.
He was rushed to Betty Ford Hospital in the Arlington. His girlfriend, teammates and relatives waited for him to recover consciousness.
"It sounds strange, but when I came around, I immediately felt different," Maurice recalled. "I wasn't interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay."
Maurice, who lives in the town of Arlington, Texas, said he never experienced any gay inclinations previously.
Researchers have reported many cases of stroke patients experiencing changes in behavior and personality, such as becoming less satisfied with their lives, losing confidence in themselves, or being easily irritated.
But turning gay? That's a new one.
Maurice said the change was sweeping and instantaneous.
"Suddenly, I hated everything about my old life. I didn't get on with my friends. I hated rugby and found my job boring," he said.
So he underwent a transformation, quitting school and shedding more than 40 pounds.
He said his family and friends were shocked by his change of sexuality. Remarked former room mate and rugby pal, Daniel "Blew" Garcia, "Everybody knows that I'm not the straightest arrow in the quiver, but Maurice just went overboard. He's TOO gay. He ruined my faux metro sexual image and seriously cut into my action. I had to bounce that tight little ass right out. Now I live with another overconfident big mouthed scrum half from another team."
His former coach and mentor, Michael Twaddell was quoted, "It's really a shame this happened. He was one of the best tacklers on the team, even if he didn't listen to a word I or anybody else said about playing rugby, and especially where to put your head when you tackle. We hope that he comes back out, makes another freakishly dangerous tackle, gets knocked out and wakes up straight! That would be a success story in my book."
His Dad remarked, "I don't know what that little fruitcake is going to do for Christmas and Thanksgiving, but I know it's not going to be in my house? though I hear he's a fabulous cook now." Maurice's Mom chimed in, "I've always wanted a daughter!"
"I think I'm happier than ever, so I don't regret the accident," Maurice said. "It's crazy, I used to just like getting blowjobs. I'm nothing like the old Adam now, but I wouldn't change a thing."
Famous Mav Rugger - Kinky, Drug, Sex Party
Those fishnets were no fluke.
A second woman has come forward to describe rugby legend Daniel Garcia's freaky cross-dressing fetish -- alleging he threw a kinky, booze-and-cocaine fueled sex party at The Ritz-Carlton on Central Park South, prancing around in skimpy ladies underwear and intimidating her and a roommate when they tried to leave.
"It was beyond kinky," New York model Angelica Marie Cecora, 25, told The Post in an exclusive interview. "Things that I don't even know how to explain were done with him."
In a new lawsuit, Cecora tells of the pervy rugger's predilection for ladies' wear, saying the rugby player contacted her through her modeling Web site to help him "relax" last March 15 after returning from a goodwill visit with the troops in Iraq.
He told her his name was Thomas Crown -- the rich playboy in the 1968 film "The Thomas Crown Affair" and its 1999 remake -- but finally revealed his true identity over dinner, flashing his UTA ID, she said.
"He said there was no alcohol and no women [in Iraq], and he needed to unwind," Cecora, 25, told The Post. "Once dinner was over, he decided he wanted me to spend the whole night with him."
Cecora said Garcia was drinking heavily during dinner and ordered more booze to his room when they got upstairs -- and that's when he got freaky.
"He started to put my stuff on, my underwear. I had a skirt with me. He put that on," she said.
"He was the exact same size as me. He fit into the tiniest pair of underwear that I had been wearing," said Cecora, who has posed for Playboy and Maxim.
"He was dancing, playing around with my [clothes], playing a woman, very feminine.
"We had intercourse . . . He wasn't taking no for an answer, as if I could leave.
"He ordered drugs to be delivered to the room. I tried to hide them from him to keep him under control, but he just wanted more and more."
Garcia declared that he idolizes Charlie Sheen -- and after he got the drugs, he kept shouting the actor's favorite word, "Winning!" and got "completely wasted from then on," Cecora said.
He became too much for her to handle, so she called in her sexy Russian roommate, she claimed.
"She is a dancer. I thought he would definitely be interested in her," Cecora said. "He had asked her to bring some stuff with her. Some more underwear, some vibrators, toys . . . She brought a vibrator, a dildo, a bong.
"He was naked the whole time, wearing our underwear, nothing more," she said. "He had both of ours on at the same time."
In one of the most shocking claims, Cecora alleged the rugger was snorting cocaine -- and asked her to perform an extreme sex act.
"I explained to him I have never done that before," she said. "He was in these positions that [still] keep flashing into my head."
When the women tried to sleep, Garcia allegedly got persistent.
"We locked him out of his own room and made him sleep in the living room,"Cecora said.
"He came in the room about four times, trying to crawl in bed with us, to the point that me and her screamed at him, ?Go away, Daniel. Otherwise we're leaving, and its not going to be pretty.' He wasn't taking no for an answer."
In the morning, he was gone.
"All the paraphernalia was cleaned up, the toys were all still left there, plugs, everything we had [used] was still there, but the drug paraphernalia was cleaned up," she said.
She said the two women had breakfast and went to the downstairs spa, but were told that the rugger had checked out -- and left them with a bill for nearly $1,500. They ran off without paying, and Garcia's coach later tried to settle up with her, she said.
A lawyer for Garcia, Oscar Zeta Acosta, said last night he had been "unable to reach my client for comment."
Garcia last September admitted to dressing in drag, and confessed that November 2007 photos were genuine that showed him in high heels, fishnet stockings and women' panties and bra.
After he launched a campaign to discredit the wild images, Siberian knockout Milana Dravnel filed a federal lawsuit, claiming his handlers duped her into agreeing that the photos were manipulated.
They settled out of court, but sources had told The Post that Garcia shelled out $20 to make Dravnel to go away -- and to return the drag-wear.
Yesterday, Cecora's lawyer, Johnny Cocharan, said, "I think this case is a sad example of abuse of power. Clearly, my client was intimidated and abused by Mr. Garcia's abuse of his self perceived celebrity,monetary, and his tremendous physical power and presence. It's never OK to dehumanize and intimidate people, as was done here."
Cecora's spokesperson, publicist Suzy Colbert told us, "Angelica is speaking out to stop Daniel from victimizing other women and himself."
Bartender gets $10,000 tip on $26 tab
"I couldn't move," Mavericks' staffer says after customer's generosity
ARLINGTON, Tx. - Two weeks ago, one of Dan O'Connell's regular customers left him a $100 tip on a tab that wasn't even half that. This week, he added a couple of zeros.
O'Connell, a bartender at Mavericks, got a $10,000 tip from the man for a $26 tab on Wednesday.
"I couldn't move," O?Connell said. "I didn't know what to say. He said, 'This will buy you something kind of nice, huh?' And I said, 'Yeah, it will.'"
O'Connell said the man, Mr. Joseph Kelly, comes in several times a month. He has always tipped poorly, he said, usually leaving $3 on a $30 tab. Not to mention the complaining about how many drinks he was charged for and a special tax known as the BST. "I'm getting screwed?", Mr. Kelly was know to lament to other members of his Arlington Mavericks Rugby Club.
Then came the $100 tip, followed by the real shocker.
"He usually signs his ticket, flips it upside down, and high tails it out before we see what he left for a tip" said O'Connell, 39, who has worked at the bar for eight years. "But this time, he had it right-side up and said "I want you to know this is not a joke."
It's not, Maverick officials agreed.
"This is a great deal for us and a great deal for Dan," said Cliff, who introduced himself as vice president of operations for Chavez Enterprises, the owner of the Mavericks. "We did have a guest leave this tip on a credit card, and we're doing everything to make sure it's a valid charge. Frankly, we are all a little suspicious"
Great employee
The company is in the final stages of verifying the tip, Cliff said, while also working to make sure the money goes through the proper channels to get to O'Connell.
"Nothing would make us happier than to present him with that check," Cliff said. "He's been with us for eight years, and he's a great employee who does a great job. Besides, he has had a run of bad luck with this guy we call the Greek lately and could use a little help."
O'Connell said that while he always talks with the man when he comes in usually about current events or the weather he can't think of anything that would have prompted the huge tip.
"I've been waiting on him for about six years," O'Connell said. "We'd just talk across the bar and he really has been a cheap bastard. I hope he comes back in so I can tell him thank you, because the other day I was kind of rude to him. I have been known to be like that, but normally just with new guys."
MAVERICK RUGGER CLEANS TOXIC SPILL. SAVES WILDLIFE
 Thunder Dan cleans up a massive toxic spill saving countless lives of tiny, worthless, little critters. The source of the toxic spill was identified as a Coogan toilet back up and overflow. The governor pleaded with the White House to proclaim the area a National Disaster. "W" put FEMA right on it and promised results in just a few years.
In the photo on the left, Thunder examines the epicenter of the disaster, the Dump's hallway bathroom.
On hand to witness the devastation and feeble efforts of the societal reject and self-proclaimed protector of wildlife, was coordinator, Greg Puklicz. "I tried to warn him, but he had to save those damned little bugs and shit. That?s OK though, I made a fortune over this fiasco. Nobody could believe that I could get two Phd?s to play in a huge mud puddle! And the over under on getting one of them to go completely under was fantastic. I made a fortune, and I financed the whole thing with a minimal outlay! Taking Coogan to Pancho?s All You Can Eat Buffet last night was a stroke of genius. And I come out of the whole thing looking like some kind of Preservationist! Ha!"
Thunder Dan is shown in the last picture dunking for the particular "Doodie" responsible for the cause of the mess. Once he located and displayed the "Doodie", he said, "Here it is. It?s no big deal". And took a bite.
Vanilla Bean Spurned by Former "Friend"
Rumors run rampant as this breaking news spreads faster than venereal disease from a MTV rap video model. Through the determined vengeance of a scorned Maverick, this shocking photo has come to surface, exposing one of the most bizarre and luridly twisted tales to ever come from the already putrid and extremely private anals of Maverick Rugby history. This news is more shocking, more nauseating, more bizarre, and more deviant than any news story in Texas Rugby to date. This news could not be any more shocking to the Bean's current girlfriend.
More evidence revealing the true nature of the "Vanilla Bean" has come to light on the Maverick Open Forum. Apparently, the "Bean" and "Pee Wee" have collaborated and starred with Ang Lee in one of the most gay, pornographic, macho image bashing films since "Brokeback Mountain". Details on the location and specific content of this video are not publically available at this time. It is only known that the video is extremely disturbing and will spread throughout the internet faster than Paris Hilton's sex video. Sources can neither confirm or deny that any animals were harmed in this film. Stay tuned for more details
Please note that this photo has absolutely nothing to do with this article.
Even more interesting is how the MNT (Maverick News Team) decided to handle the expose. What follows is the personal and private correspondence between the MNT when the news of the scandal broke. There was overwhelming concern for not only the reputation of the parties involved, but respect for decency of the readers. Read the private emails to witness the struggle in making the decision to expose the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: "Dan O'Connell"
Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2005 22:55:25 +0000
I think my phone must have malfunctioned as I would never willingly send a
picture of my good friend "Vanilla Bean" in such an embarassing position to anyone,
even after he so maliciously stole my ID card and provided it to the fifth
column (The Michael).
From: Joe Kelly
To: Michael Twaddell
Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
Cc: Greg Puklicz ,
Dan O'Connell
Though it is a tragic and terrible thing, I think this picture can be
used. Unfortunately, I am too sickened and disturbed to come up with
any humorous witticisms or "fake news" approaches to presenting this
horrific photo to the masses. I may be inclined to post any
informative news that may be pieced together by others more
knowledgeable about this extremely gruesome event, but certainly
cannot derive or generate any text myself.
Thanks,
Joe Kelly
On 12/19/05, Michael Twaddell wrote:
> I took a screen capture of the picture, then enlarged and enhanced it.
> Attached is the result. However, for the record, I think it would be
> wrong to post the picture. Funny, but wrong.
>
> Michael "Switzerland" Twaddell
>
> On 12/19/05, Joe Kelly wrote:
> > Unfortunately, I agree. This must get on the web site. It is
> > hilarious, quite disturbing, but hilarious, none the less.
> > Joe Kelly
> >
> >
> > On 12/19/05, Greg Puklicz wrote:
> > > I don't know. You guys are the expert. I am but a simple bookkeeper.
> > > Perhaps Dan's large head can come up with a solution, but this really
> > > needs to get on the website.
> > >
> > > Greg
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: Joe Kelly
> > > Sent: Monday, December 19, 2005 2:13 PM
> > > To: Greg Puklicz
> > > Cc: Michael Twaddell
> > > Subject: Re: One of the funniest pictures I have ever seen!
> > >
> > > That is a great picture. Is that the only way Dan can send the darn
> > > thing. I can't get the source, not without a lot of time I'm not
> > > willing to put in. Can't he email it directly from his phone? What
> > > about downloading photos to his computer and then emailing?
> > > I haven't included Dan in this email because, somehow I get the
> > > feeling he didn't release this for public consumption.
> > > Joe Kelly
> > >
> > > On 12/17/05, Greg Puklicz wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I have a picture to post on the website - it is the infamous "Vanil=
la
> > > Bean"
> > > > as sent to me by Corey Friend #3.
> > > >
> > > > I can't copy it out of that site, but I am sure you can and post it
> > > with an
> > > > appropriate message from his friends. Thunder took the picture and =
is
> > > > seeking retribution for the Mustache Dan incident.
> > > >
> > > > Greg
> > > >
The Secret Lives of a Famous Maverick Rugger
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| White Trash (or Trashed) Dan |
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| 80's Porn Star Thunder Dan |
Borat from Kazakhstan |
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| Terrorist Dan |
"Fluffer" Dan |
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| Texas Ranger Dan (pre-steroid) |
Mardi Gras Dan
Don't let the glasses fool you! |
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"Mr. Brain" Dan
(He thinks he's a doctor)
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Sarcophagus Dan |
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Clown Nose Dan - On the Job
infecting Patrons & humanity with the rare and highly contagious Manilla Bush Flu |
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